FUNNEL PHIL
A $29 spreadsheet. An entire theme park between you and the checkout.
THE CUSTOMER JOURNEY ↗ A NEW COMIC MAGAZINE FOR THE INTERNET MARKETING CROWD
THE NONSENSE
HAS A NEW
MAGAZINE.
The gurus. The funnels. The “one-click” fortunes.
Finally, someone’s drawing the pictures.
Meet the people who can automate an entire business, but can’t answer a support ticket. And the customers determined to buy from them anyway.
LOOK INSIDE52 pages. Zero magic money buttons.
First issue coming soon to bizblat.com.
NO
WEBINAR
REQUIRED!
ACTUAL COVER. IMAGINARY PROFITS.WEBINAR
REQUIRED!
52 PAGES✦9 COMIC STORIES✦48 TERRIBLE TOP TIPS✦ABSOLUTELY NO YACHT INCLUDED
THE FIRST ISSUE
Recognise anyone?
You may recognise yourself.
We certainly do.
GURU GAZ
Living the dream. By the hour. Please return the supercar before five.
PROOF OF SUCCESS ↗TIMMY TEE
Why earn $700 an hour when you could sell the software for seven dollars?
A BAD BUSINESS MOVE ↗Tap a page for a proper look. These are previews, not a compulsory nurture sequence.
BIZBLAT PROMOTIONS PROUDLY PRESENT
INSTANT WEALTH.
JUST PUSH THIS BUTTON.
We’ve included one so you don’t feel left out.
AND THAT’S NOT ALL. OBVIOUSLY.
Terrible advice.
Ridiculous products.
Useful laughs.
Passive Pete. Pivot Pam. Vinnie Victim. Bonus Barry. Hook-Line Harry. Customer Cath. Plus fake adverts, reader letters and Top Tips from people who really should know better.
“Before Customer Bots, nobody was buying. Now nobody is buying, but I’m much busier.”— A completely invented customer, in a completely invented ad
The products are spoofs. The magazine is real.